Perhaps her most important response to my essay was to suggest that my writing needs to be more succint - unfortunately there is a lot of truth in this. Her concerns surrounding my ability to produce this volume of work in 15 minutes in an exam are also well placed as I realise that there is no way I could ever hope to write this much in an exam. I must admit that it is worrying that I am still struggling, especially as the exam is looming, to write a half decent essay in 15 mintues - tips for writing a minimal amount whilst still managing to get both the depth and breadth required to score highly are desperately needed!
My comments: I don't think that I wrote too badly in the essay and I think that the main issue with it, is that it is not lacking in information and detail but the exact opposite. Although the point that Millie made, in reference to how the manufacturing of modern building materials is going to increase emissions, will be noted I don't think I would necessarily add it to this essay but instead concentrate on cutting out the less important bits and writing more succintly.
There are clearly some improvements that can be made but what do I think I did quite well? Firstly, I think that my structure was better than it has been in previous essays I have written in class as my introduction was short (an achievement for me!) and served its purpose, I described and commented on both the effects and solutions to the acid rain problem whilst managing to make reference to a few case studies and my conclusion was suffient and readdressed the key points I had previously made in the essay.
If you have any tips, points for improvements or good case studies/statistics that I didn't include but perhaps should of then please comment..........